


Am I Your Make Believe?

by HavocRoyale



Series: Red & Indigo Streaks [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Part of a bigger AU I have, Underage Drinking, Very sorry but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26622745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HavocRoyale/pseuds/HavocRoyale
Summary: Rich has a SQUIP now. He should be happy now. But sometimes he just wants to be left alone with his thoughts.Maybe then he can figure out why he's only gotten angrier and lonelier with the SQUIP's help.
Relationships: Rich Goranski & Rich Goranski's Squip, Rich Goranski/Zoe Murphy (One-Sided)
Series: Red & Indigo Streaks [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936756
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Am I Your Make Believe?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is for a much larger crossover AU I have where Rich & Zoe are childhood friends. This is getting posted first kind of just to see if anyone would be interested in seeing more content of the AU and stuff!

The leaves crunched under Rich’s feet as he stomped through the dirt of the park. He doesn’t know what time it is. Midnight? 1am? 4am? Who knows anymore. It doesn’t fucking matter. He doesn’t take his eyes off the small covered picnic table ahead of him.

It’s got a large oak tree growing up beside it, the roots cracking the concrete below it, and branches arching in ways that makes it easy to climb onto the roof covering. Climbing up is a little harder than it should be, he can’t seem to get his grip right on the branches and he keeps missing the sweet spots for footholds. He fumbles and falls off the first few branches a couple of times.

His SQUIP flickers to life over his shoulder as he finally slaps a hand onto the roof, “You are being completely ridiculous, Richard.”

It’s only been a month, but he still hesitates and flinches at the sound of her voice. He shoulders up and ignores her.

“You can’t just ignore me forever, Richard. I’m  _ part _ of you now. This is...completely stupid.”

“Can you fuck off?”

“You’re responding, that’s progress I suppose,” She looks smug, “I thought maybe you were going deaf perhaps.”

Rich still won’t look at her, even as he carefully makes his way to the clear side of the roof. It’s bad enough this thing doesn’t have an off button, but he hates that it chose to manifest as his  _ mom _ . It’s not her. It will never be  _ her. _ It’s just a gross caricature, using his heart against him. He misses his real mom. He probably wouldn’t be here at all if she was still alive.

“I know what you’re thinking, Richard. I can see your thoughts, do you recall that or have you forgotten?”

He rolls his eyes as he shrugs off his backpack. If there’s one thing the SQUIP has done right, it was get him plugs. And  _ good _ ones at that. He’d stopped on his way to the park to trade for a bottle of fireball whiskey. Irony being that alcohol was something he wasn’t supposed to drink with a SQUIP, but the SQUIP is the reason he got it.

“Richard,” She said it like a warning.

_ What was she gonna do? Shock him? Great, that’ll be the eighth time since school let out earlier. _

“I said fuck off.”

A hearty twist and the cap pops off the bottle, he can smell the cinnamon already. It burns. 

_ Good _ .

“Richard, I’m only going to warn you once. Do not even think about drinking that or-”

“Or fuckin’ what? Huh? Gonna zap me again? Fuckin’ do it already then! I’m still going to drink this bottle, and you’re not gonna fuckin’ stop me, tin can.”

An electric shock snaked its way up his spine, branching out in acute intense pain. It made Rich fumble slightly with the bottle in his hand, spilling a little but gripping it harder until the pain subsided. The SQUIP flickered beside him still, she probably still has that smug grin across her face. Without so much as a word, Rich took a swig from the bottle, gulping too much too fast.

He nearly spit it back up, coughing at the burn at the back of his throat, “Ugh, can you go away now. It’s not like this is Mountain Dew Red, okay? I just want a fucking  _ break _ .”

The AI rolled her eyes but obliged. Her blue silhouette faded and Rich was left alone finally. He laid back, gazing up at the stars in the night sky. He can’t identify much, the Big Dipper and the North Star, but he tries anyway. Grasping for any semblance of nostalgia.

The night sky was always more Zoe’s territory and he would just listen, maybe he should have paid better attention when she pointed out constellations.

_ “Fuck.” _

Zoe’s never going to talk to him again. His one and only friend and he’s all but ditched her for a worse version of his mom. She hasn’t talked to him in two weeks, he hasn’t  _ seen _ her outside of school in a month and a half. The first time he noticed her looking at him in the entire two months he’s had the SQUIP, she was looking at him the same way she looks at Connor in the hallways. She  _ hates  _ him.

_He hates himself too._ _What the fuck has he done?_

He’s spooked out of his head when he hears someone behind him, “Wh-Who’s there?”

_ Go figure his lisp is back. _

“Rich?”

_ That...that can’t be right. _

He scrambles to sit up, tucking the bottle of fireball in his shirt to hide it, and twists around to see who’s climbing up behind him. Sure enough, it’s Zoe fuckin’ Murphy. Cuffed shorts, baggy flannel, sharpie stars and planets, messy brown hair tied back in a rushed ponytail, she looks like she’s glowing ever so lightly in the moonlight…

...Rich swallows thickly. 

He doesn’t want her seeing him like this. Feeling bad for himself like some kind of loser, drinking his problems away like his  _ dad _ . Briefly he feels his thoughts getting away from him, spiraling out. He stammers only for a moment, “Uh- H-Hey, Zo? What’re...What’re you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question, you know.”

“I asked first.”

She laughs as she sits beside him, knees pulled to her chest, Rich doesn’t think he can do this, “Okaaay, I just...wanted to get out of the house. It’s late, but like...Connor was... _ Connor _ earlier and I just...needed an  _ out _ , you know?”

He knows. He knows so well. His heart’s racing and he’s not sure if the warmth pooling in his gut is from the whiskey or Zoe anymore.

“What are you hiding in your shirt, dude?”

_ Oh no. _

“I-It’s not- It’s nothin’ just-” He pulls the bottle out, staring at it in his hand, he didn’t realize how much he’d drank, it’s only half full now. _She’s going to leave. Why are you drinking? She’s disappointed in you._ _What’s wrong with you?_

“Rich…” Zoe sounded so sad, he couldn’t meet her eyes, “Are you okay? You know you can talk to me if you’re not, we’re bros remember. Co-pilots. Can’t run a spaceship on my own, you know?”

_ No, I can’t. We’re not partners anymore. I abandoned you. You hate me. You would never talk to me if you didn’t find me like this anymore.  _ He’s going to cry. He’s going to throw up. Why is he drinking? How could he do that? Why did he leave Zoe alone? Why did he think a stupid computer pill woud help anything? All it’s done is drive Zoe away. The only person he’s had that wasn’t his mom, the only person he had  _ at all _ since she passed. 

“I’m not- You’re not- Stop.”

“Rich, c’mon, it’s okay. I’m not like mad or something, everyone fucks up sometimes,” Rich risked a glance up at her. She looked so worried. She was so close, he could count all the freckles on her face. He’s suddenly  _ very _ aware of his breathing, “I just-”

Rich can feel tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.  _ Weak. _ Suddenly movement behind Zoe’s shoulder catches his eye. He leans back for a moment, trying to adjust his eyes and make sure he’s not seeing things when it happens again.

It wasn’t  _ behind _ Zoe, it  _ was _ her. The edges of her shape fizzle and glitch out for a moment. It was only a few seconds but he  _ knows _ what he saw.

“Wait- Wait, no, you’re not...You’re not Zoe.”

Zoe rolls her eyes but stands up, “It was worth a shot. You’re incredibly gullible, you know, Richard. Maybe if I tried that method sooner, you wouldn’t have seen through it. The alcohol in your system made it nearly impossible to attempt at all.”

_ Oh. _ It was his SQUIP...of course it was his SQUIP...suddenly it makes sense, why Zoe was out here so late, why she was talking to him, why she was  _ glowing _ .

_ God, he’s so fucking stupid. Of course the glowing wasn’t normal. What the fuck, Rich? _

“You didn’t actually think she cared did you?” The buzzy quality of her voice was much more obvious now. She was still parading around like Zoe beside him, “I know you’re not the sharpest tool, but you’re not  _ that _ foolish are you?”

“You’re not her. Stop faking it,” Rich grumbled.

The SQUIP groaned, “You’re no fun, Richard. I’m trying to  _ help _ you.”

“Well, you fuckin’ suck at it. Go away.”

“Not this again,” He can hear the exasperation in her voice.

Rich snapped. He whipped around, bottle in hand, and threw it as hard as he could at her. It sailed through her, disrupting the image only for a second before shattering somewhere on the ground behind them, “I said fuck off!”

The SQUIP went back to “normal.” He couldn’t read her face, he’s never been good at reading people. She gave him a curt but definitely fake smile, “I didn’t want to do this, Richard. Remember that.”

“Wha-”

The pain was unbearable. She was shocking him again, but much more severely this time. He swears he can feel it in his bones, he can’t move, he can’t breathe. It’s prolonged and excruciating. When she finally lets him go, he’s exhausted. Rich almost slips, a fall that probably would have broken his wrist or something from the roof to the cold concrete below.

“Behave and I won’t have to do that again. I don’t  _ like _ hurting you Richard, I know you can do better,” She was hunched beside him, a hand on his shoulder, “Now. Let’s get home, yes? That’s enough sulking for the night, I think.”

He wasn’t really in any place to argue. Nor did he really want to anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos & Comments are greatly appreciated!!
> 
> [This post talks more about the AU and I'd be happy to answer questions or talk about it more on my blog (the OP)](transchloeprice.tumblr.com/post/629729560262541312/rich-goranski-zoe-murphy-would-be-best-friends)


End file.
